Wednesday, March 26, 2008
UGH, I tell ya! UGH!
On Monday, we (Andy and I, Daddy had to work) went to see our family counselor again. She had said last meeting, that this time, we'd put together Andy's behavior chart, and she'd give me "the rules for time out"... SO I was really quite excited about this particular session. We put together his consequence/reward chart, and it seemed ok at the moment. But as awesome as an idea seems in the development phase, once you put them into real world application, things go south rather quickly. This chart has our "goals of behavior" in the center. For Andy, the goals are, "Obey the first time." and "No hurting the dog on purpose". Pretty straightforward. We figured that the "obey the 1st time pretty much covered everything, and the dog one needed specific attention. ON the rewards side, if he was successful for a whole day, he gets to take a bath for as long as he wanted to in the evening. If it were up to him, he'd be in the tub for more than an hour. So that's a good reward. If he is successful for 4 days, he gets a new hotwheel car. Another good reward. If he succeeds for a full week, he gets a dollar for his bank, and if he succeeds for an entire month, we will go swimming. Either at the pool, lake, or in the winter, we can always go pay to swim at one of the local hotels that has an indoor pool area. SO we're all set on the rewards!
Consequences were a bit more frustrating to come up with. She kept suggesting things like sweeping the floor, or washing dishes, scrubbing the tub, and these are all things that I have to try to KEEP him from doing. He LOVES doing that stuff... and when he sweeps in front of himself, then there's stuff falling and breaking BEHIND him... so it's not real good for MY nerves to have him do it! But she said that because he's a "Lion" one of the 4 basic personality types, giving him stationary or static consequences will not work, because he's an "Active" personality. He has to be DOING... he's going to be a mover and a shaker some day. That IS, assuming he survives childhood... UGH! SO... the consequences we came up with were... the first time he doesn't do what is asked, or is mean to the dog, he has to clean the toilet. If he refuses to do that, then he moves up the ladder, to folding clothes. And then, when he's done folding clothes, he has to clean the toilet. IF he refuses to fold the clothes, then he has to go put away all the clothes already IN his room, and then fold the ones down here, and then clean the toilet... and the last, worst thing on the "bad" side is, if he refuses to do that, then he has to put away ALL his toys for at least 2 hours, then put away his clothes, then fold the clothes, and then clean the toilet. Each time he gets back down to the "ground"... he has earned his right to take one of his long baths... SO in other words, he COULD "lose" and "earn back" his bath privileges several times in the course of one day.
Ok... so, I come home, and I'm just ALL kinds of excited to try my new strategies! I hang his chart on the fridge as instructed, and I'm armed with the rules for time out. If there's something that he does spontaneously, that's naughty, but not necessarily disobeying a command, or harassing the dog, like... Throwing a hard chew toy across the room, and beaning Mom in the back of the head, that's time out territory. Time outs are to be one minute per year of child's age, and at this point, he gets 4 1/2 minutes, since he'll be 5 in June. AND the time out does not start until he is quiet and calm.
SO I'm all armed with this new knowledge, and I'm all excited, and then I get beaned with that darn chewy, and "TIME OUT!" it is! We discussed previously where the time out spot is going to be, (the front corner of the living room) so he actually headed there. Then he was sitting on the mat, and was just being squirrely. Not agitated, just squirrely. I reminded him that his time out didn't start until he was quiet. The therapist mentioned that she'd had some kids tak up to an hour or two to quiet down, and ONLY then did the time out start. SO I took a deep breath, and prepared for a wait. She had said to remind him every 4 minutes, (the time of his time out) that his time out wouldn't start till he was quiet, and that if he'd been quiet, he could be done by now. So I said, "remember, your time out doesn't start until you're quiet, and you COULD have been done by now, but you're squirreling around." And he looked at me, through those little magnifying glasses he now wears, big brown eyes made even bigger, puts his hands over his mouth, and says, "Shut UP, mouth! You're gonna get me in TROUBLE!"
HOW am I going to survive this kid's childhood??? He is BEYOND intelligent, and I'm truly scared what Junior high, and high school is going to bring! I may have to tie him under the basement stairs, and home school him after he leaves Good Shepherd at the end of 8th grade! HELP!
Consequences were a bit more frustrating to come up with. She kept suggesting things like sweeping the floor, or washing dishes, scrubbing the tub, and these are all things that I have to try to KEEP him from doing. He LOVES doing that stuff... and when he sweeps in front of himself, then there's stuff falling and breaking BEHIND him... so it's not real good for MY nerves to have him do it! But she said that because he's a "Lion" one of the 4 basic personality types, giving him stationary or static consequences will not work, because he's an "Active" personality. He has to be DOING... he's going to be a mover and a shaker some day. That IS, assuming he survives childhood... UGH! SO... the consequences we came up with were... the first time he doesn't do what is asked, or is mean to the dog, he has to clean the toilet. If he refuses to do that, then he moves up the ladder, to folding clothes. And then, when he's done folding clothes, he has to clean the toilet. IF he refuses to fold the clothes, then he has to go put away all the clothes already IN his room, and then fold the ones down here, and then clean the toilet... and the last, worst thing on the "bad" side is, if he refuses to do that, then he has to put away ALL his toys for at least 2 hours, then put away his clothes, then fold the clothes, and then clean the toilet. Each time he gets back down to the "ground"... he has earned his right to take one of his long baths... SO in other words, he COULD "lose" and "earn back" his bath privileges several times in the course of one day.
Ok... so, I come home, and I'm just ALL kinds of excited to try my new strategies! I hang his chart on the fridge as instructed, and I'm armed with the rules for time out. If there's something that he does spontaneously, that's naughty, but not necessarily disobeying a command, or harassing the dog, like... Throwing a hard chew toy across the room, and beaning Mom in the back of the head, that's time out territory. Time outs are to be one minute per year of child's age, and at this point, he gets 4 1/2 minutes, since he'll be 5 in June. AND the time out does not start until he is quiet and calm.
SO I'm all armed with this new knowledge, and I'm all excited, and then I get beaned with that darn chewy, and "TIME OUT!" it is! We discussed previously where the time out spot is going to be, (the front corner of the living room) so he actually headed there. Then he was sitting on the mat, and was just being squirrely. Not agitated, just squirrely. I reminded him that his time out didn't start until he was quiet. The therapist mentioned that she'd had some kids tak up to an hour or two to quiet down, and ONLY then did the time out start. SO I took a deep breath, and prepared for a wait. She had said to remind him every 4 minutes, (the time of his time out) that his time out wouldn't start till he was quiet, and that if he'd been quiet, he could be done by now. So I said, "remember, your time out doesn't start until you're quiet, and you COULD have been done by now, but you're squirreling around." And he looked at me, through those little magnifying glasses he now wears, big brown eyes made even bigger, puts his hands over his mouth, and says, "Shut UP, mouth! You're gonna get me in TROUBLE!"
HOW am I going to survive this kid's childhood??? He is BEYOND intelligent, and I'm truly scared what Junior high, and high school is going to bring! I may have to tie him under the basement stairs, and home school him after he leaves Good Shepherd at the end of 8th grade! HELP!
posted by Julie B. at
8:52 PM
Julie BuntKids: Ben is 18 and Andrew is 4 1/2 (going on 30).
Residence: Wisconsin Rapids
Occupation: Stay-at-home mother
Activities: In addition to taking care of her family at home, Julie holds guardianship for her 81-year-old mother, who lives with her dad, in an assisted living facility. She also is very active in her church, Good Shepherd Evangelical Lutheran, in the town of Saratoga.
A Description of this blog: My blog will be about my experiences here in Wisconsin Rapids, comparing my children's life with my childhood, and my daily struggles to balance time between making sure my parents' needs are being met and making sure that my family here at home has what they need. Also included will be humorous, (I hope) quips and anecdotes describing my daily struggle to find an island of "girly-ness" in the ocean of testosterone I swim in daily.
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It's times like this, that make me proud to say, "...Moments to remember...
Remember when?
This is harder than it looks!
SO proud of my little dude!
The other side of my life.
Snow Days...
Starting a new journey in life.
So the 4 year old comes downstairs the other morni...
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2 Comments:
WOW, I can totally relate, I have a 4 1/2 year old too and his mouth gets him into trouble too. It's good to know I'm not alone!
By
Carmen, At
March 31, 2008 3:16 PM
Julie...where have you gone? I'm anxiously awaiting a blog update!
By
Anonymous, At
April 19, 2008 3:05 PM
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