On Monday, we (Andy and I, Daddy had to work) went to see our family counselor again. She had said last meeting, that this time, we'd put together Andy's behavior chart, and she'd give me "the rules for time out"... SO I was really quite excited about this particular session. We put together his consequence/reward chart, and it seemed ok at the moment. But as awesome as an idea seems in the development phase, once you put them into real world application, things go south rather quickly. This chart has our "goals of behavior" in the center. For Andy, the goals are, "Obey the first time." and "No hurting the dog on purpose". Pretty straightforward. We figured that the "obey the 1st time pretty much covered everything, and the dog one needed specific attention. ON the rewards side, if he was successful for a whole day, he gets to take a bath for as long as he wanted to in the evening. If it were up to him, he'd be in the tub for more than an hour. So that's a good reward. If he is successful for 4 days, he gets a new hotwheel car. Another good reward. If he succeeds for a full week, he gets a dollar for his bank, and if he succeeds for an entire month, we will go swimming. Either at the pool, lake, or in the winter, we can always go pay to swim at one of the local hotels that has an indoor pool area. SO we're all set on the rewards!

Consequences were a bit more frustrating to come up with. She kept suggesting things like sweeping the floor, or washing dishes, scrubbing the tub, and these are all things that I have to try to KEEP him from doing. He LOVES doing that stuff... and when he sweeps in front of himself, then there's stuff falling and breaking BEHIND him... so it's not real good for MY nerves to have him do it! But she said that because he's a "Lion" one of the 4 basic personality types, giving him stationary or static consequences will not work, because he's an "Active" personality. He has to be DOING... he's going to be a mover and a shaker some day. That IS, assuming he survives childhood... UGH! SO... the consequences we came up with were... the first time he doesn't do what is asked, or is mean to the dog, he has to clean the toilet. If he refuses to do that, then he moves up the ladder, to folding clothes. And then, when he's done folding clothes, he has to clean the toilet. IF he refuses to fold the clothes, then he has to go put away all the clothes already IN his room, and then fold the ones down here, and then clean the toilet... and the last, worst thing on the "bad" side is, if he refuses to do that, then he has to put away ALL his toys for at least 2 hours, then put away his clothes, then fold the clothes, and then clean the toilet. Each time he gets back down to the "ground"... he has earned his right to take one of his long baths... SO in other words, he COULD "lose" and "earn back" his bath privileges several times in the course of one day.

Ok... so, I come home, and I'm just ALL kinds of excited to try my new strategies! I hang his chart on the fridge as instructed, and I'm armed with the rules for time out. If there's something that he does spontaneously, that's naughty, but not necessarily disobeying a command, or harassing the dog, like... Throwing a hard chew toy across the room, and beaning Mom in the back of the head, that's time out territory. Time outs are to be one minute per year of child's age, and at this point, he gets 4 1/2 minutes, since he'll be 5 in June. AND the time out does not start until he is quiet and calm.

SO I'm all armed with this new knowledge, and I'm all excited, and then I get beaned with that darn chewy, and "TIME OUT!" it is! We discussed previously where the time out spot is going to be, (the front corner of the living room) so he actually headed there. Then he was sitting on the mat, and was just being squirrely. Not agitated, just squirrely. I reminded him that his time out didn't start until he was quiet. The therapist mentioned that she'd had some kids tak up to an hour or two to quiet down, and ONLY then did the time out start. SO I took a deep breath, and prepared for a wait. She had said to remind him every 4 minutes, (the time of his time out) that his time out wouldn't start till he was quiet, and that if he'd been quiet, he could be done by now. So I said, "remember, your time out doesn't start until you're quiet, and you COULD have been done by now, but you're squirreling around." And he looked at me, through those little magnifying glasses he now wears, big brown eyes made even bigger, puts his hands over his mouth, and says, "Shut UP, mouth! You're gonna get me in TROUBLE!"

HOW am I going to survive this kid's childhood??? He is BEYOND intelligent, and I'm truly scared what Junior high, and high school is going to bring! I may have to tie him under the basement stairs, and home school him after he leaves Good Shepherd at the end of 8th grade! HELP!

So yesterday was Easter. It's MY favorite time of the year, actually. "Holy Week" has, in the last 5 years, become the best time of my life. And it's because of the incredible good news of Jesus dying, and taking all the weight of MY sins onto himself, and making sure that I can go to Heaven when I die. My 4 year old has been going to church 9 Sundays out of 10 for his entire life. And for the first 3 years, we went to the mid-week service too, just because. He's been in Sunday school, getting a lesson for 2 years now, and until this year, I honestly was wondering if ANYTHING was sinking into that little skull of his. Then this last week, on Thursday, despite the fact that he was on Spring break, he remembered that it was Thursday, and said that "Today is the day that Jesus gave the bread and wine to his 'sciples, you know!"

And then on Friday afternoon, he said, "The whole world shook when Jesus died, you know!" And on Sunday afternoon, when my parents came for lunch, he kept saying, "He's risen!" And today, when we went to the counselor, the one we saw that's going to help us figure out how to handle him more effectively, he walked in and said, "HE's RISEN!" and when she said, "Who's that?" He said, "JESUS! You heard of Him, right?" And she said, "yes, I have!" And he said, "Jesus is my best friend! He got himself hurted, so I can go to heaven!"

Today, or rather, I guess yesterday, I went to the Boy's and Girl's club to watch my oldest offspring get "slimed"... OR as the 4 year old corrected me, "puddinged". Ben has worked at the club now since just before Christmas.

He's had several jobs in the past year and 1/2 or so, and he's always beat himself up over not staying with them, etc... but I honestly feel that he was just not cut out to be in customer service jobs. SERVICE jobs, yes... but something where he's helping, making a difference, that sort of thing. Not "would you like fries with that?" type service. And he fell into this job through his schooling at Mid-State, and it's the best thing that's happened to him in a long time. He just "fits" there. If you read his blog here, you know how much he loves it. I don't usually post things about Ben, because he's pretty self-conscious, and I don't want to say anything that will embarass him. But this, I HAVE to share!

Go check out his Blog, (Ben Holberg) for March 21, to see the video I took of his "sliming". Despite the fact that he said it was INCREDIBLY cold, and stunk, he had a big, googly grin on his face the whole time. There was a time in his life, where if he'd been voted on to receive something like that, he'd have walked out. But those kids love him. You can see it in their faces.

When I walked in the front door today, there were about 8 or 10 kids standing around the desk, (Most of 'em girls) just looking at him. I asked him if he does tricks if they stare long enough. He kind of looked like a bear in the zoo. WOnder if I got some marshmallows to toss to him, if he'd do tricks, or if he'd just take the marshmallows over in the corner and eat 'em?

His little brother was SO anticipating this today! Even managed to overshadow the whole "when are we going to dye Easter Eggs?" kick he's been on all week long! We finally did the eggs this afternoon, after returning from the club. Andy calls it "Ben's club". His big brother doesn't think so, but for a certain 4 year old in my house, the sun rises and sets on his big brother's butt. That kid adores his brother! Ben called me to ask a question this evening, from the girlfriend's car, and when I hung up, Andy said, with the biggest, saddest eyes EVER, "but I wanted to talk to my brother!" So I dialed Ben's phone again, and handed Andy the phone. I just wish Ben could have seen the look on his little brother's face when he answered his phone. It was awesome. They conversed for about 4 minutes, and then life was good in the Bunt house again.

There was a letter to the editor in today's paper that got me to thinking about when I was growing up here in Wisconsin Rapids. The letter in today's paper said that a family with young children was stopped at a stoplight in town, and a group of teenagers was in the vehicle next to them, and the kids were yelling and hollering, and swearing and cursing at this family.

Apparently, these kids do not have moms like mine. Love her to death, but when I was a teenager, I was scared to DEATH of the woman! Not so much that I thought she might do me physical harm, but I just couldn't bear the thought of seeing that look of disappointment that would cross her face when I screwed something up and got caught at it. I mean, it was one thing to be disobedient and obnoxious at HOME, but I'd never, EVER have considered doing something out in public that might embarass her if I got caught at it. Call me sappy, boring, whatever, but my old friends can tell you, they all thought my Mom was the strictest Mom on the planet. And I really didn't have any "rules", so to speak, but she had taught me right from wrong, and then left it up to me to decide. So when my friends wanted to do something that might not be in line with what Mom would want me doing, I'd quick look at my watch, and say, "OH CRAP! She's going to KILL me!" and run off home. Then I'd tell them at school the next day that I was grounded for a day or two, just to make it sound good, so that they might forget about doing whatever it was that we had been discussing doing.

Mom only, as far as I remember, ever really used "corporal punishment" on me one time. I was upset with my sister for something, and winged a shoe at her, one of those big, clunky wooden clogs that were so popular in the late 70's and early 80's. I missed my sister, and caught my Mom in the back of the head. I knew the second it left my hand that I was about to die a slow and painful death at the hand of my mother, so I set out running to get up to my bedroom. I figured if I could get up there, and get the door closed, and keep it closed long enough, she might calm down, and only maim me. I slipped on the rug at the bottom of the steps, and that was just enough of a delay, and she caught me half way up the steps, and just whacked me with that shoe. Yeah, today, that would be grounds for a child abuse trial, but back then, it was simply teaching me that it was not a good idea to throw things when you got angry. It's a lesson I've held close to my heart ever since.

Honestly, I think that if more parents took a "hands on" approach with their children, and quit worrying when the little cherubs said, "I'll call the cops on you!", society would be a much nicer place to be. Now, before I get a bunch of hate mail, I'm not advocating beating your children for sport and entertainment, but a well placed swat on the tush when they're acting like animals is NOT out of line. My oldest son didn't "need" spanking. All I had to do to calm him down was to shut myself in the bathroom to count to ten, twenty, or sometimes a hundred, and he'd be SO upset that I "ran away" from him, he immediately calmed down, and stopped whatever behavior it was that prompted my being upset. Now, the 4 year old on the other hand... HOLY COW! That boy is a completely different kid! No amount of talking, time outing, reasoning, or bribery will make him stop doing what he's doing. The ONLY thing that gets his attention is a swat on the butt, followed by a reminder that if he REPEATS the behavior, the board is hanging on the wall by the kitchen, and WILL be used the next time. Haven't had to use that one but once. And he remembers that. And the promise of a future use usually calms him down enough to be redirected to some less destructive behavior.